WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
