I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
