but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
