you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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