whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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