Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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