Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
bring money and cleavage
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
