She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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