I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
