just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
