You really coming over, don't trick.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
