I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
