Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
