Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
