yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
