Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
