The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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