I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
