Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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