Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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