so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
