Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
