Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
