Ambien. No doubt about it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
