I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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