He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
