a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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