i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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