How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
