when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
