I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
