he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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