you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
