I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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