I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
