she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
