My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pooping to opera.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
