did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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