Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
