So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
