I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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