I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In America we eat man semen.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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