his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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