I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
