Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
