If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
