you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
