god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
