so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
