What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
