just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
