I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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